Fausterella

Father’s Day is a week on Sunday and I’m going to use that fact as a vague way to tie together the fun things I’ve found on the net recently. Such as this tiny yet functional firearm, for the elf-sized gangster in your family. Or for particularly realistic games of toy soldiers.

Or teeshirts! Everyone likes teeshirts. I especially like ‘end-head-start body‘, ‘Polar Bears are Soluble in Water‘, and ‘Look Out Schroedinger’s Cat, It’s a Trap!’

Or if you know a father with an exuberant Hercule Poirot-style moustache, why not make him a meal consisting entirely of moustache-shaped food using this mould?

Alternatively, these Dr Who papercraft kits will please any dextrous Whovians in your life. I like this Scrabble thermos flask too, though it doesn’t look as if you can actually play Scrabble on it, sadly. In the further realm of things I didn’t previously know you could buy are these miniature football stadiums (stadia?) for, er, about £80 each, and these amazing escaping light bulbs. Or who wouldn’t want a bouquet of flowers in the shape of a puppy?

If you’re extremely rich and/or eccentric, you could knit this dwarf helmet and beard (ok, maybe not before next Sunday), commission a Pirates of the Caribbean-themed movie theatre for $2.5 million (seriously, wow – or the Batman one?) or create some reverse graffiti if you know of any nearby very dirty walls. Or draw scenes from his favourite movie on your eyelids. Or buy his child this mech warrior. Fine, I’ve strayed a little from my stated theme but I’m just trying to get in all the cool things I found. And now I have.

Also useful as a handy disguise

You know what I really like? Things that look like other things, but are actually different things. Such as this van which is actually a tent and this cup of hot chocolate which is actually a cupcake. But the best thing is this: a wardrobe which conceals a secret playroom. Compared to the father who created this, the rest of us are merely cardboard cut-outs of parents whose children should regard them with justified contempt and scorn.

This Wicked Witch of the West bookmark is definitely a thing I would like to own, as is this flying superhero kite thing. And maybe some angel wings for my iPhone. But cool as this squirming umbilical cord phone charger is, I think I just want to admire it from afar. Far afar.

You know what else I like? Soft toy versions of everything. Such as the Plush Zombie, and My First Bacon, and Plush Sushi, and a plush Beating Heart that actually beats. And oh God you can buy plush roadkill. The internet has reached a new… something. Low? High? I can’t tell any more.