The imaginary 5am baby

Published: 09 March 2011 - Written by admin in section: things that did not actually happen

I was woken up at 5am today by a noise. These are the thoughts that went through my head in the next ten seconds:

- Was that the sound of a knock on the front door?
- Can’t be. Who would knock on a front door at 5am?
- Anyway, if it was a knock, they’ll knock again. Listen. Nothing. Go back to sleep.
- What if it was someone who had collapsed from an injury after one knock? What if there’s someone hurt outside?
- Or what – wait, I bet this is it – what if someone’s left a baby in a basket on my doorstep? That happens.
- That happens in the Bible.
- Ok, but what if they did? What if there’s a baby out there, maybe hurt?
- Can you hear a baby? No? There you go.
- Could be asleep.
- And anyway, we couldn’t keep it. We have a baby already.
- Who do I know who might adopt a baby?
- It doesn’t work like that. It’s not like that stray kitten we found. I’ll have to give it to an adoption agency and they’ll place it. It’s ok, there are loads of people on the waiting list for babies. It’ll have a good life. I can visit it and check it’s being properly looked after. It could make friends with my baby.
- I should probably go and check its nappy.

Now fully awake, I realised I had talked myself into going downstairs, opening the front door, and checking my doorstep for an abandoned baby in a basket.

There was nothing there, of course. The milk had been delivered, though.